Once upon a time
when I walked into the room
Your eyes lite up
You smiled like I was your dream
We talked and my opinion mattered
I speak you get upset
I walk in the room and reruns matter more
Every time I speak I seem to annoy you
Hear the comments about how someone else will
take care me when I am old
None want to hear me
No more visits
You are going to move far away
Perhaps a joke but it hurts
Don’t worry my time here is but a blink of an eye
Don’t worry the time quickly approaches when you will never have to list to me again
You will not take care of me when I am old I will off somewhere
You will be lucky to see me once a year
if I am even here
Perhaps I will never grow old
I am always trying to fix things. I always felt it was my responsibility to fix things/people that are wrong. Where did this ego of mine get the idea not only that it could but it was its responsibility to fix everything? Taking on responsibilities for other people. This is the definition of codependence, and of been raised in an alcoholic household, for me.
A friend told me I don’t deal with stress well. The reality is, I take to much stress on that is not mine and nobody can deal with that much.
When i am losing my detachment from other people and their problems i cannot handle any stress because i have theirs as well as mine. Anger when people don’t change the way i want. Which leads to a feeling of unworthiness.
Thy letter was received. Thou has written ‘I am not worthy.’ Who is worthier than thee? Hast thou not been worthy, thou wouldst not have turned to God and wouldst not have wished to enter the Kingdom.
Thy worthiness has guided thee until this blessing and bounty have encompassed thee.
Abdul-bahá Fire and Gold pg 212
The Baha’i faith just seems to feed codependency very well with its focus on service. I believed i was being obedient to the writings in serving everybody even when it is a detriment to myself.
Abdu’l-Bahá moved, on the 27th, to the hotel in Rue Lauriston where He had stayed before. He was very tired, and needed a few days’ rest before people learned where He resided. (H.M. Balyuzi, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá – The Centre of the Covenant, p. 393)
But i needed to learn to be just with myself as well as with others.
Be patient with others and our own selves
We must not only be patient with others, infinitely patient!, But also with her own poor selves, remembering that even the Prophets of God sometimes got tired and cried out in despair!
Written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi Fire and Gold pg 223
from the writings i find things on self care and rest.
990. Protect Your Health by Sleeping Enough
“Regarding your question: There are very few people who can get along without eight hours sleep. If you are not one of those, you should protect your health by sleeping enough. The Guardian himself finds that it impairs his working capacity if he does not try and get a minimum of seven or eight hours.”
Excerpt From: Helen Bassett Hornby. “Lights of Guidance.”
It is now your duty as a Bahá’í, and specially as a young believer who has still great services to render the Faith, to make every effort to recover your health, and to be confident that by making such an effort you will be attracting the confirmations of Bahá’u’lláh, without which no true and lasting healing is possible.”
(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, July 17, 1937)”
The necessity of rest and relaxation
… you should not neglect your health, but consider it that means which enables you to serve. It-the body-is like a horse which carries the personality and spirit, and as such should be well cared for so it can do it’s work! You should certainly safeguard your nerves, and force yourself to take Time, and not only for prayer and meditation, but for real rest and relaxation.
written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi
Fire and Gold pg 223
Working on it.
At times I feel as though I am riding down a water fall in a barrel
I know Bahá’u’lláh is the only thing keeping from crashing into the rocks.
It is still a scary ride.
The Baha’i writings say that you were to meditate on the Holy Words, but how do you do that?
For me meditation is different than study. to study is to delve deep into each word and understand what it means to you at least in that moment. But when I think of meditation it’s going off into different world and detaching from yourself. To be truthful I can’t do that when I’m sitting still.
For me personally meditation is done in action. there is a physical component, whether it be writing this blog ,doing art, cleaning the yard, walking, hiking, or etc.
Since the first time i saw my granddaughter and now the time i spend with her she takes a bad moment and turns it wonderful! Right now just sitting here holding her sleeping!