Memory of my Dad

When i was in my teens a event was planned called Hands Across America (yes i am dating myself.). The Baha’i youth planned on going downtown to participate but said i couldn’t go with them. The organizers had put a call that people were needed in areas outside of town. My dad said if you are going to help you go to the place in most need. So the whole family went out to edge of town with a small group of other people, connected by ropes.

Everyone downtown was on the news, a big party, snaking through the streets, and we were out in the heat and sun, barely able to reach each other.

Go where the need is!

Now i remember this as my daughter is seeking a veterinary internship outside the US. The door that opened for her was not a premium one but a spay/neuter clinic in Puerto Rico. I feel my dad’s hand in this guiding her as he does me.

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Instincts

When the instincts kick in and every atom of my being says fight, and Bahá’u’lláh said “Contention and strife are a no wise permitted in this day”, Shoghi Effendi’s predictions of mental test tear me apart.

walking dead

Do you watch The Walking Dead?

Every day

they walked on the street

with meth and heroin

In their veins

ecstasy rolls through them

drunk on the

latest bottle

Holes eaten in their brain

until they can’t think

or reason

it is only the next fix

they look for

they are

The Walking Dead

they are the ones

who drugs replace their

soul

A reflection – I did my best

1Blessed is the spot, and the house, and the place, and the city, and the heart, and the mountain, and the refuge, and the cave, and the valley, and the land, and the sea, and the island, and the meadow where mention of God hath been made, and His praise glorified.

2 (“Bahá’í Prayers: A Selection of Prayers Revealed by Bahá’u’lláh, the Báb, and `Abdu’l-Bahá”, 1985 ed. (Wilmette: Bahá’í Publishing Trust, 1985))

As i try and move into the next phase of my life i keep going over my past and my decisions. Wondering was i right did i make the right choices.

O maid-servants of the Merciful! It is incumbent upon you to train the children from their earliest babyhood! It is incumbent upon you to beautify their morals! It is incumbent upon you to attend to them under all aspects and circumstances, inasmuch as God – glorified and exalted is He! – hath ordained mothers to be the primary trainers of children and infants. This is a great and important affair and a high and exalted position, and it is not allowable to slacken therein at all!

~Abdu’l-Baha: Education, p. 290

When i left high school i wanted to be a graphic designer but i got pregnant during classes with my son. By the time i finished school Zac was two months old and we went to join my husband at the time up in Denver. I couldn’t work with a baby and no support network.

The marriage fell apart quickly but not before i got pregnant with my daughter. By the time she was born we were separated.

After returning to New Mexico i tried to find work as a graphic designer but i only found direct care work. I had kids to feed, No time to be picky. But I lost that job and went back to school. as a single parent I was able to graduate with a BA in media arts and the kids survived, actually they did very well.

My second husband and i were married, he stepped in, and became DAD. He is not easy to live with but his devotion to my children makes it tolerable.

I went to work at the news station as an editor and photo journalist, that only lasted for three years. The news the lack of sleep and my in ability to detach from other people and their pain. Not enjoying the suffering of others that some people in the newsroom seem to thrive on. at that exact same time I was also taking care of my mother as she declined in to the Mensha dementia., Two teenage kids, and uncaring job, and a mother going crazy sent me right over the edge.

I came back from that and tried construction. Well that ended with a fall, a bad fall.

1 Comfort thy mother and endeavour to do what is conducive to the happiness of her heart….

2 (`Abdu’l-Bahá, “Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas”, vol. 1 (Chicago: Bahá’í Publishing Committee, 1930), p. 74

So for the last 10 years I took care of my mother until her death, my kids into adulthood and regained my health. All the while lamenting not having a paycheck. we hold so much value on earning of a paycheck, with no value of those who take care of the home and the family. My self-worth was tied up with the bringing in the money. But I did good.

3 We have caused thee to return to thy home as a token of Our mercy unto thy mother, inasmuch as We have found her overwhelmed with sorrow. We have enjoined you in the Book “to worship no one but God and to show kindness to your parents”. Thus hath the one true God spoken and the decree hath been fulfilled by the Almighty, the All-Wise. Therefore We have caused thee to return unto her and unto thy sister, that your mother’s eyes may thereby be cheered, and she may be of the thankful.

4

5 Say, O My people! Show honour to your parents and pay homage to them. This will cause blessings to descend upon you from the clouds of the bounty of your Lord, the Exalted, the Great.
When We learned of her sadness, We directed thee to return unto her, as a token of mercy unto thee from Our presence, and as an admonishment for others.
Beware lest ye commit that which would sadden the hearts of your fathers and mothers. Follow ye the path of Truth which indeed is a straight path. Should anyone give you a choice between the opportunity to render a service to Me and a service to them, choose ye to serve them, and let such service be a path leading you to Me. This is My exhortation and command unto thee. Observe therefore that which thy Lord, the Mighty, the Gracious, hath prescribed unto thee.
(Bahá’u’lláh, from a Tablet-translated from the Arabic)

Someday

Every time I speak I seem to annoy you

Hear the comments about how someone else will

take care me when I am old

None want to hear me

No more visits

You are going to move far away

Perhaps a joke but it hurts

Don’t worry my time here is but a blink of an eye

Don’t worry the time quickly approaches when you will never have to list to me again

You will not take care of me when I am old I will off somewhere

You will be lucky to see me once a year

if I am even here

Perhaps I will never grow old